I used Wiki-How to learn how to become selfish and less sensitive. I spent hours upon hours reading every step but the more I dug deeper, I felt how misaligned it was with my values. How could I just stop caring? Put a full stop to the depths of my heart’s emotions?
My name is Sanya Arora and I am 24 years old. I was born in Delhi, India but was raised in New Jersey.
From a young age, I was deemed “too sensitive”, as I was always tuned into the moods, emotions, and life of other people. I found myself to constantly be the only one hugging the crying girl in the bathroom stall, while others in middle school snickered or silently condemned her. I always forgave easily and would even help people who bullied me if they needed anything. My self esteem took many blows growing up once I realized that I didn’t fit in, and that I never did. I had no friends in middle school and my closest companions were the hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful books I had read, which helped me tap into my creative and emotional side even more. I was just that lonely girl, until I decided to make my own glorious path. This path lead me to realize sensitivity was my greatest strength in a hardened world. It was the reason I understood and guided others so well, while leaving a lasting impression. It is the reason why I realized I wasn’t the problem, rather the perceptions of negative people were. It ended up being the reason I desired to pursue a Residency in the field of Psychiatry in Medical School.
Overthinking can be a silent killer. When I used to be bubbly, affectionate, friendly, and excited to meet new people, I was called superficial and attention seeking. When I changed and became quieter, calmer, and more reserved, I was called detached and cold. It is a fact that society will always try to morph you into the way it wants to perceive you. Be this, be that, do this, do that. Its hungry nature clawing away every part of your raw personality till you are finally molded into a person that is not you. Until you find your footing and realize as long as you aren’t hurting anyone’s feelings, it’s OKAY to be the real you. To love and feel deeply. There is no crime in being loving, affectionate, sensitive. When you are your true self, you unlock a wide door of opportunities and end up finding people that would do anything for you. I ended up finding myself and never backing down from the real me. I owed it to her, as I was everyone but her for so many years.
I was also described for many years as being “too skinny”. It was an ongoing topic for people. I used to look in the mirror and feel terrible about how tiny I thought I was. I was always reading about how to gain weight and moving from one diet to the other. My family, all being physicians, were concerned. My older brother always told me that as long as I was exercising, healthy and happy with my appearance, it didn’t matter what people said. When I started to realize the impact of those words, I automatically started to look better. My own perception about myself changed and I accepted myself. More so, I began to eat properly and exercise more with contentment. By being less harsh on myself, my body started to become its own. This was a turning point for me. I started to realize how harsh society can be on appearances. The truth is that it has its games and its rules. If you succeed, you gain acceptance but if you can’t then you “lose.” At that point, you become isolated, misrepresented and unwelcomed. In such a situation, even every group setting becomes almost uncomfortable, despite being an extrovert. You start filling your minds with feelings such as, “Did I say or do the right thing?,” which makes any interaction unbearable. You start to overthink and evaluate every part of yourself.
In your quest to carve out your own path, you will be alone, questioned, mocked, and downplayed. You may fail in life many times, be it in relationships, exams, careers, etc. The truth is that as you continue being true to yourself and your heart, one day you will look back and see an army of amazing people marching behind you. There is nothing that can be compared to doing good, to making others feel special, to seeing the positive impact you have on the life of others. When people leave every interaction with you feeling better than they did before, you are richer than you think. I am blessed that my sensitivity and openness to issues such as depression allowed me to help and guide many people around me. A person who felt she had no voice is now a guiding soul. I owe it all to the EXTREMELY supportive angels around me in the form of my family and friends as well as meditation, Wiki HOW to be yourself (haha), and to a supreme being who is always watching over me. I am more than pleased to engage in discussions that help others grow into the person they want to be.
My name is Sanya Arora and this is my Project Why.